I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
