I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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