This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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