Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I want is dick and wine.
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