ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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