so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
