Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
