Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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