I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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