I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
