WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
