I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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