I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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