I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
