The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
