My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
