My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
