If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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