You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
