i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
