you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
