..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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