I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
