Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
