I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
