I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
