I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
