Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
