My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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