Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
