laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
