I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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