Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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