no, he came in my armpit
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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