from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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