I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
