yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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