what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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