Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
