We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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