i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
