On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
