atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
