Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
