I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
