I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
