I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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