***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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