I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
