Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
