hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
